Not Ready to Move On

I'm going to Santa Barbara tomorrow.

I'm not ready. There's so much I haven't finished... and I don't mean packing.

Because, well, look:

(Mountain of "stuff")

There is no way I didn't pack enough...haha. I have boxes of things, and new shoes, and sheets, and pillows and notebooks and just a lot of stuff.

I just don't think I finished everything I wanted to do. I've been ready to leave San Marino for a few years now, or so I thought. Because, well...tomorrow is the beginning of a new adventure. I'm going to Santa Barbara for orientation, for the freshman summer start program, and for a few months, with a couple weeks of break in between.

I'm alternating between excitement and terror... I'm excited, I really am. but it's just that San Marino was hard for me to get through... and I hope Santa Barbara won't be the same. Somehow, though, San Marino was "home." And when I leave, I'll be leaving behind some wonderful people, memories, and places. I'll miss so many people so much, and it's hard to imagine leaving. I'm not ready to move on.

But I don't have a choice - I leave tomorrow and it's going to be fun, I know. I'll be going to school by the beach, and I fell in love with the campus back in March or April, so having to spend a few weeks/months/years somewhere I love doesn't really seem that bad. So I'll be okay.

But why is it so hard to convince myself?