Today

Today was one of those days.

It completely humbled me. Kicked my ass and reminded me that I was human, that I needed help, therapy of some sort. I know that a lot of my anxiety today stemmed from my perception of things. And I'm trying to fix that.

My anxiety flared today. It started with teaching a class full of students, eager to learn and hanging on to my every word. I stressed about saying the wrong thing. These kids would hear the wrong thing, and it would sink in, and they would go the rest of their lives believing the incorrect information, I thought.

And once that was over, once I was back at school and ready for my first lecture of the day, we realized we didn't have enough drivers. I volunteered to drive...but also to miss my first class of not only the day but also the week. The schedule was screwed up enough so that I actually had to drive twice and was literally thirty seconds from being late to biology.

Not fun.

An anxiety attack was triggered in bio. It lasted for almost three hours. During this time, I had to get through my list of errands. And there were so many. Paying a small fee, returning the van, creating a powerpoint for my volunteers. I had to change my major today so I could get a class to raise my GPA, and then found out that I needed to have a minimum GPA to get that class...which I didn't have.

I bumped into my ex. My hair kept brushing the back of my neck. The two sexual assaults I experienced in high school and last year were always at the front of my mind.

After the anxiety, there was the fact that everything everything EVERYTHING went wrong. The van had a tire pressure light turn on while I was on the freeway. We checked the tires and nothing was wrong. The tire pressure light stayed on for the rest of the day though... which was worrisome.

Today was just a day. Tomorrow will be better. I hope.